How to find the strength to leave an abusive relationship, while I have my own deep demons?

i would first like to say that you are a very beautiful women who does not deserve anything that has happend to you or will happen to you if you stay in this relationship. there is so much out in the world that you can be going rather than being stuck in a house with a jerk of a boyfriend. call the police they will take care of your coward boyfriend and move to where you want and live the care free life you hoped and dreamed to live. use your gym membership do daily activies and get new and better friends. i hope the best for you and that you will get out of that house and do what you want with your life.